sometimes I wonder.

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Sometimes I wonder why I chose a job that is literally never EVER finished. I mean, sure. We get summers off and I technically could leave at 3:30 every day, but in reality? A teacher’s job is never done. Always thinking. Always planning. Always grading. Always trying.

Why didn’t I choose one of those jobs that I could really leave at work? Something that wouldn’t take over my life?

Sometimes I wonder why I chose a job that requires me to get up soooooo early. 5 a.m. wakeup calls are the absolute worst. Every stinking morning. I’ve never been a morning person and it’s not looking like that’s changing any time soon.

Why can’t schools start at 9? 9:00 is a much more civilized hour.  

Sometimes I wonder what it will be like when we have children. Can I do this job well and still be a good mom? How on earth will I manage it all?

How can I possibly find the energy to do both? 

Sometimes I wonder what my students will remember about me. That crazy math teacher who danced around and told stupid jokes.

Will they remember my smile? The way I laughed at the hilarious things they said? The way I believed in them? Those bad days when I yelled at them because they just.wouldn’t.shut.up? 

Teaching is tough, y’all.  But it’s wonderful all at the same time. I chose this job because I wanted to make a difference–and making a difference is almost never easy. But it is almost always worth it.

Help me, Lord.

One month.

Y’all. I have officially taught for 4 weeks.

So basically, I’ve got it all figured out.

KIDDING.

Really, it’s just the opposite.

You know all those people who said that the first year of teaching was really hard?

Well, they weren’t exaggerating. At. All.

It’s pretty humbling to be so crazy excited & full of ideas, only to realize that you still have SO MUCH to learn. I want to be a great teacher, but most days I feel like I’m just barely keeping my head above water. I want to make a difference in students’ lives, but I wonder if I’m getting through to them at all.

It’s hard being new. Trying to make some teacher friends. Trying to prove myself. Trying not to look like an idiot. Trying to not let the students get to me.

Teaching is not for wimps. And there are days when I wonder if I can actually do it.

There have been tears. Lessons that didn’t go as planned. Students sent to the office. Test grades that were awful. [That time I totally messed up a diagram during notes].

But there also have been good times. When a student told me I was their favorite. When a teacher told me that students were talking about me… in a good way. 🙂 When my first evaluation went well. When we all laughed and had fun during Rainbow Logic & Kahoot!.

So, basically? TEACHING IS SO FREAKING HARD. And I’m already exhausted just thinking about going back tomorrow.

But I’m going to keep trying. Because I know it’s worth it. And I know that nobody starts out being great at anything. And I know that students who need love the most are often the hardest to love. And because I want to know if this teaching thing EVER gets any easier.

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